You’ll Touch Nobody And Like It
by Tommy Gimler Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” is Jerry Sandusky’s latest victim. Penn State officials said yesterday that the song wouldn’t be used during football games this year, but it had...
View ArticleThe DUD Loves College Coeds. Oh, and Football, Too…
by Tommy Gimler It’s that time of year again. You know, when 19-year-old girls ruin any possibility of ever having a career in politics when they stick their tongues down each other’s throats for the...
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DUD College Football Recap
by Tommy Gimler Alabama showed us that Michigan is still a joke, Oklahoma State won by 84, and Wisconsin should be ashamed of themselves… Oklahoma State 84, Savannah State 0 The Cowboys rushed for...
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Something’s Fishy With Bucky
by Tommy Gimler The Wisconsin Badgers are suddenly only 6.5 point favorites at Oregon State. It was 7.5 just a day ago. We all know how Wisconsin fans love to load up on Bucky, so what gives? Did the...
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Bachelor Party Saturday
by Tommy Gimler It’s Saturday. You’re in Vegas. You run a sports blog. But it’s your bachelor party… You get one bet. One that’s gonna separate the men from the boys. This is the one that is going to...
View ArticleThe Only Thing That Didn’t Happen This Weekend Was Me Getting A Beej
by Tommy Gimler On location all weekend in Houston, there was no way I was getting any action with my wife over 1,500 miles away. It was exactly the opposite for football enthusiasts across the...
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The DUD’s Best Of 2012 – Oh, It’s OK If She Does It, I Guess
by Tommy Gimler In October, we touched on the case of former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader turned teacher Sarah Jones, who managed to stay out of prison even after admitting to plowing one of her...
View ArticleEasy Money On These Silly America College Football Bowls, Bro
by Rakesh The Intern Happy Year of the New, bro! It’s been a run of great success with this football betting, bro. I wish I could say the same for my luck with most of these American women, though. I...
View ArticleThis Should Explain How My Head Felt This Morning
by Tommy Gimler It could have been that bottle of Pacifico that I pounded down 45 minutes before midnight. Or maybe it was the fact that I had a Budweiser, Coors Light, two different IPA’s, a bottle...
View ArticleThe Return of Rakesh As The Golden Nugget Releases Early College Football Lines
by Tommy Gimler and Rakesh I guess the Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino is useful for something other than bringing back a hooker, slitting her throat, and stuffing her in the recycling bin. Apparently,...
View ArticleAlfonzo Dennard’s Stupidity Means Crazy Stupid Points For Your Athletes...
by Tommy Gimler Who do the New England Patriots think they are, the Cincinnati Bengals? For the second time in fifteen days, a member of the perennial AFC East champions was arrested. I suppose if...
View ArticleMaybe It’s Time To Give Fishing A Try
by Tommy Gimler For those degenerates who took the over on Jerry Kill mid game epileptic seizures, it’s time to collect. And it’s also time to cash in if you bet on which would happen first, the...
View ArticleMichigan Football Is So Pathetic That Even The University’s President Can’t...
by Tommy Gimler Did you accidentally pop a pill of Cialis this morning instead of Ibuprofen, and now you’re looking for a way to kill that throbbing four-hour erection? Try watching some University of...
View ArticleMichigan Football Is So Bad They Made Some Chode Piss His Pants And Get A...
by Tommy Gimler We posted a video a few days ago of the University of Michigan’s president delivering a drunken speech and/or having a stroke at halftime of the Wolverines’ pathetic loss to Nebraska...
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The Big Ten Is Fucking Garbage
by Tommy Gimler The first ever College Football Playoff (CFP) will take place this January, and I have a better chance of fingering Joan Rivers than the Big Ten does at getting a team into this thing....
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Our Experts’ Picks For Tonight’s College Football National Championship
by Tommy Gimler One of us sells liquor. One of us books models. One of us smokes a shit ton of pot all day long. Still, we’re probably more qualified than Mel Kiper and his bulletproof dome when it...
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The ‘Ass’ Show That Was The Alabama-Wisconsin Game Last Night
by Teddy Westside I am coming out of a yearlong hiatus to report on – of all things – college football. For those of you who know me in real life, you know that I am actually not a fan of college...
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No Maryland Fan Had It Worse Yesterday Than This Cheerleader Who Got Smoked...
by Frank Rhombus The West Virginia Mountaineers curb stomped the Maryland Terrapins yesterday 45-6, but one Maryland cheerleader took an even worse beating thanks to a West Virginia receiver who, like...
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Grand Rapids ABC Affiliate’s Sports Director Did A Live Report Saying...
by Tommy Gimler “The Paul Bunyan Trophy is back in Ann Arbor for the first time since 2012.” Um, no it’s not, brah. When WZZM 13 hired Jamal Spencer to be the station’s sports director last November,...
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Two Days In And We Already Have A Nominee For 2016′s Douchebag Of The Year...
by Frank Rhombus Stanford’s Christian McCaffrey’s Rose Bowl performance last night was just like the first time I stuck my face between a giant set of fake tits: awesome. The Cardinal running back...
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